The funniest jokes on the net

Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests... MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and cu…

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "Of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his…

Children in the back of the car cause accidents. Accidents in the back of the car cause children.

Why don't blondes like to breastfeed their babies? It hurts to boil their nipples!

Yo mama so ugly, she make blind kids cry

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crow…

You might be a redneck if your father walks you to school because you're both in the same grade!

Eddie's first-grade class was having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job! Now, what's this animal?" …

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when: Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo." Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!" "Race issue" meant arguing…

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the to…

A man noticed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her cart. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl imme…

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. Teacher: "Whoever answers the quest…

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these m…

Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused? A: His Daddy was really a Mummy!

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did …

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then s…

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.  He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken…

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," replied t…

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always commen…

'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best Candy' 'The Little Sissy Who Snitched' 'Some Kittens Can Fly!' 'The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion' 'How to Dress Sexy for G…

Teacher: John, give me a sentence using the word, "geometry." John: Okay, there once was this little acorn. Then it grew and grew and woke one day and said, ''Gee, I'm a tree.''

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'' ''No. You had your chance.'' A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can yo…

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh!

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. "There's no way you'll marry tha…

A kid stands up in class and says, "Teacher, teacher, does honey have legs?" And the teacher replies, "No, why do you ask?" "Because," says the little boy, "Last night I heard my dad saying, 'honey

Where would you learn how to make ice cream? At Sundae school.

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.

Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'd…

What's Red and Orange and knocks you over? Tackle me Elmo!