College jokes

  • Take a seat
    Men are like toilets, they're either taken, unavaliable, taking a piss or just full of shit.
  • California
    Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Hella.
  • Math Sucks
    Q: Why is the math book always upset? A: Because it has a lot of problems.
  • Trash talking
    Q: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl? A: The Chicago Bears
  • Adult Swim
    A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are swimming breast stroke in a race. The blonde comes in last and says, I don't mean to be a a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their hands
  • Dumb as Rocks
    Q: What do rocks and boobs have in common? A: If they're flat, you can skip them.
  • Count Chock Full of Nuts
    Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthfull.
  • U. Michigan/Ohio State
    An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he be…
  • The Engineer and the Bike
    Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business wh…
  • Southern University Psychology
    At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkans…
  • Losin' It
    A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sex. The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests. The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, "I finally did it! I'm no…
  • Signs You Have a Hangover
    You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reactio…
  • Drinking Game: Big Lebowski
    The way this game works is every time the word f**k is used (in any form, ex. f**king, f**ker, etc.), or the word dude (in any form, ex. "his dudeliness, the dudester, etc.) is used, you take a drink.…
  • Random Acts of Stupidity Roundup
        Curators at India's Baroda Museum reported irreparable damage to a priceless 3,000-year-old mummy, done by an overzealous cleaning person who apparently opened the mummy's case and vacuumed the bo…
  • Survival of the Fittest Brain Cells
        A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back of the herd that are killed first.  This natural selecti…
  • Out Of College
    You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your potted plants stay alive. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. You have to pay your own cr…
  • Diet for Stress
    Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit1 slice whole wheat toast8 oz. skim milk Lunch: 4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast1 cup steamed spinach1 cup herb tea1 Oreo cookie Mid-Afternoon Snack: The rest of Oreos in t…
  • Sex and class
    The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted t…
  • Yo Mama's So Fat... Driver's License
    Yo mama is so fat that her driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
  • Psychology Class
    A college psychology class was studing human reaction to sexual stimulus and of special interest was the frequency of amorous relations. ''How many students here,'' said the professor, ''engage more …
  • Creative Writing
    A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "
  • 10 Signs That A Kid Is A Nerd
    10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures. 9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games. 8. Very fam…
  • Science Project
    A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science fair. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreadin…
  • Grasshopper Biology
    A biology class student conducted an experiment on what would happen to a grasshopper if its legs were taken off. He pulled off one of its legs and yelled 'hop!', and the grasshhoper hopped. Then h…
  • Bad Girls vs Good Girls
    Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.G…
  • Sorortiy sister, nympho & hooker
    What's the difference between a hooker, a nymphomaniac, and a sorority sister? The hooker says, ''Are you done already?'' The nympho says, ''Oh no! You're not done already!?'' The sorority sister …
  • Corpsalicious!
    One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.'' After saying tha…
  • Clemson Wedding -- A long, true story
    This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage an…
  • Counting Condoms
    A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display. Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?" Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights." Boy: "So, why d…
  • Clemson U., S. Carolina and N. Carolina
    Three guys were captured in Iraq as American spies and were about to be executed. One had graduated from the University of South Carolina, one from the University of North Carolina, and one from Cle…
1 3